Postpartum Depression

When I heard about postpartum depression I just knew it wouldn't happen to me.  I thought the emotions would be a "reaction" to the event of giving birth or becoming a mother for the first time.  I figured that I was emotionally ready to become a mother.  However, the hormones were completely out of my control. 

I found myself at the mercy of hormones.  Hormones are necessary for our bodies to function properly.  I learned this the hard way during my treatments for endometriosis.  I underwent a hormone induced menopause and learned first-hand about the need for hormone balance.  Little did I know that the same thing happens after giving birth.  The hormonal changes were out of my control and dramatically changed my mood and emotions.

I would cry uncontrollably on the shoulder of my husband.  Literally soaking his shirt.  He was so understanding and kind.  He knew that it wasn't the real me and was patient with me until things went back to normal. 

I wasn't afraid of my baby or the responsibility of her care.  I just had an overwhelming sense of melancholy that lasted all day and night. I'm pretty sure that the sleep deprivation added to my emotions.  Luckily after 4 months, the crying stopped and I started to feel normal again.
 
Personally, I was surprised by postpartum depression.  If it happens to you, please know that you are not alone! It happens to 80% of new mothers.  Please view this article on Baby Center for more information regarding Postpartum Depression.

What is postpartum depression?

Postpartum depression can begin any time during the first two months after you give birth. Symptoms may include:

• Irritability or hypersensitivity
• Difficulty concentrating
• Anxiety and worry
• Crying or tearfulness
• Anger
• Negative feelings such as sadness, hopelessness, helplessness, or guilt
• Loss of interest in activities you usually enjoy
• Difficulty sleeping (especially returning to sleep)
• Fatigue or exhaustion
• Changes in appetite or eating habits
• Headaches, stomachaches, muscle or backaches

 

Refusing to nap

As soon as you think you have it all figured out... babies change!  Each phase has its own quirks.  You'll master swaddling, then they don't need it anymore.  They'll look so cute in an outfit and it's your go-to, then they outgrow it.  The same thing happens with schedules.  You'll find a perfect time that works for your baby and then out of nowhere - they change!

After months of a good sleep schedule, my little one decided to refuse her nap!  This article I found was most helpful.  Here is what Baby Center says about toddlers refusing their naps:

The explanation is simple, though the solution may not be: Toddlers fight the urge to rest simply because they are so interested in what's going on around them. Your curious toddler has so much to see and do and she's afraid that if she naps, she'll miss out on something.

Also, just like other toddlers, your child is beginning to understand that she's separate from you and is her own person, so she asserts her independence whenever she can. Refusing to take a nap is one way she wrests control from you.
 

Finding the Time

What child doesn't want to come home from school to their mom baking cookies? My Mom was a working mom when I was growing up. I always secretly wished to have her home baking cookies for my after school snack. I believe this idea is rooted in creating lasting memories and also warm and fuzzy feelings.

There's something to be said about a traditional wife and mother.  One who cooks and cleans for her family and creates a home not just a house.

My own words haunt me when I find it's impossible to be the perfect mom.  Finding the "time" is sometimes the hardest thing to do.  Laundry, dishes, cooking, etc. take my time.  However, homemaking is the perfect way to show love.

I found this text in an article titled The Art of Homemaking on Focus on the Family.  It's a perfect illustration of homemaking...

Homemaking happens when we fully understand the value of home in our lives. Homemaking happens when we intentionally make home a safe house, a trauma unit, a pep rally, a playground, a school and more. Somebody has to have the time and energy to bring those roles alive in a family's life. Somebody has to make a house a home. Homemaking is majoring in family relationships.

When the kids come home from school and smell cookies baking in the oven, they feel nurtured and cared for. No matter what challenges the school day brought, it fades at the smell of fresh-baked cookies.

When my husband comes home from work and dinner is cooking, he immediately feels that home is a safe place. A refuge. A place where he is cared for. Whatever stress was experienced at work begins to melt as he walks in and knows that food and comfort go hand in hand.

When a friend stops by and smells a pot of coffee brewing, she knows someone was anticipating her arrival. She feels welcome. There is relational warmth extended to her.

When my family comes home to the smell of Pledge or Lysol, they know someone has been caring for the home they live in. There's something about the smell of cleaning products that says, "Everything's okay at home."

Our home is designed to be a place where we can relax, find comfort, feel safe and receive love. Smells can never substitute for quality conversation, physical affection or words of encouragement, but they can have a powerful effect on our emotions and sense of security in the family unit.

Swings & Bouncy Seats

Most of the books I've read about babies and sleep state that they are against using swings or bouncy seats.  The authors use the argument that the swinging motion (or vibration) restricts self-soothing.  I was already using both when I read these opinions.  At first, I was afraid that I was inhibiting my little one from falling asleep on her own.  I thought about discontinuing the use of these items, but then I learned to value my own mother's intuition above the opinions of others.

Mother's intuition, or your own connection with your baby, is priceless.  No one knows your baby the way you do.  There are many times that you will do something against the opinions of others.  That is okay!  There were many times when I needed relief from the endless rocking in my glider chair.  The swing did the trick!  I also needed the bouncy seat while cooking dinner, taking a shower, doing my hair and make-up, etc. 

In my opinion, these items are necessities!  And, you know what??  My baby has learned to self-soothe.  It comes with time, patience, and love.  In the meantime, I recommend using the swing and bouncy seat to have a little help.  They're also very entertaining for little babies :-)

 

Gestational Diabetes

Every pregnant woman has to drink that yucky sugary drink for the blood sugar test.  I almost failed all the tests.  I wasn't too happy when I heard the news.  I was at risk because my mother had gestational diabetes with her second pregnancy.  In spite of the risk, I wanted to avoid it.  Although there was nothing I could do.

It's not fun when genetics are against you.  Neither my diet nor my weight were causing the issues.  Everyone told me it was out of my control, but I still felt responsible.  I remember the first time I had to give myself an insulin shot.  I sat alone in the bathroom with the fan on so I could concentrate.  I kept picturing my baby's face in my mind as I hovered the needle over my thigh.  I knew that I was doing it for her.  It took me a long time but I was able to do it.  At the end of my pregnancy, the shots became second nature to me.

Diabetes needs to be taken seriously.  When I visited the endocrinologist I felt so sorry for all the individuals in the waiting room.  I thought to myself "I only have a few more months and these people have diabetes for the rest of their life."  I was saddened by what I saw.  It definitely opened my eyes to diabetes and how I wanted to avoid it going forward.

I was lucky that my blood sugar levels returned to normal shortly after giving birth.  Each time I checked my blood with the glucometer and it had a normal reading - without insulin - I would get so excited!  It is amazing how our body functions!

Here's a video about how to cope with gestational diabetes.  It's kind of funny but great information:

This video explains what gestational diabetes is:

 

Transitioning to the crib

 

Transitioning from the bassinet to the crib was a big step for me to take.  I remember having the monitor on the highest volume possible.  I probably shocked myself out of bed the first time she cried! 

Having your baby closest to you during the first few weeks of life is so precious.  It's also exhausting and you know that the crib is waiting.  You didn't spend all that time and effort putting it together for nothing!

Newborns have to be sleep trained someday and they can't always be by your bedside.  I was worried that I wouldn't be able to hear her or tend to her needs if I had fallen into a deep sleep.  Trust me, the monitor works just fine!

The anxieties are normal for the first few nights.  It only took me about 3 nights to get past the anxiety I felt.  It's totally normal, but it's the first step you're taking toward independence for your new baby.  Many will follow and each step has its rewards.

No, that won't happen to me!

As soon as you think it won't happen to you, it does.  Children are unpredictable especially when you think you're in control.  There will always be surprises just around the corner.

Your child may scream in a restaurant and cause you to leave without eating.  They may have a poopy diaper in public and you don't have any clean ones.  You may have a planned day out with a friend and you wake up to a fever of 100 degrees.  Unexpected and embarassing moments are in your future with children.  The best thing to tell yourself is "it's all going to be okay."

Some of the memories I have are trying to cope with exploding newborn diapers and dare I say vomit in the crib.  Cleaning up messes can be nerve racking and gross at the same time.  After it was all over I felt as though I had accomplished a big task, and hopefully ready for more in the future.

I have learned that as soon as I say "that won't happen to me"... it does.  I hear comments from other experienced moms who tell me what to expect.  I hope and pray sometimes that my little girl won't do those things, but if she does I will tell myself "it's all going to be okay."

Breastfeeding Tools

These were the tools I used in the beginning of breastfeeding.  They were very helpful for me and I wanted to share them with you!!  Pictured here is my boppy pillow, disposable nursing pads, prenatal vitamins, and nipple cream.

I became very attached to my boppy pillow.  Boppy pillows can be expensive, but you want to find one that you're most comfortable with because you will use it constantly. They are definitely worth the money!  I loved mine because I was able to breastfeed and have my hands free.  I took it everywhere. 

Disposable nursing pads are awesome because they are so absorbent.  I feel silly because I didn't have them in the very beginning, but I definitely needed them!  I always thought about nursing pads as an 'in between feedings' necessity.  What I didn't realize was that you need them during feedings for the other side.  Let down causes the flow of milk on both sides at the same time.  Be sure you have some of these handy.

Prenatal vitamins become your daily routine during pregnancy.  Continuing them while breastfeeding should be second nature to you.  They continue to provide you with the right vitamins while breastfeeding too.  They're great!  My doctor told me that I didn't have to take any of the expensive kinds.  I personally prefer the ones from Target. 

Nipple cream was given to me by my discharge nurse at the hospital.  I am so thankful that she gave it to me!  I hadn't purchased it ahead of time, and to be honest it wasn't on my list of necessities.   I recommend using it during your shower to protect your most sensitive area.  During the first few weeks you are very tender there and need protection.  This kind worked great!

 

Still having your own life

Becoming a mother is the most unselfish thing you will ever do.  Nothing else in life takes over your body for 40 weeks and becomes the center of your world forever.  I am still amazed to see a little of myself and my husband in our little girl.  Watching her grow is fascinating.

I still have memories of what it was like before I became a mother.  Being able to sleep in as long as I wanted.  Being able to go out on a date with my husband any day of the week without prior babysitting arrangements.  Just being able to take a shower without it working around my little one's schedule.  All of these memories are nice to remember, but what about now?  I still need to have a life of my own.

Be open to flexibility to continue a somewhat normal life for yourself.  If it means breastfeeding in the back seat of your car in the parking lot of the mall just to be able to shop, then do it!  If it means going out with your girlfriend for coffee for just an hour, then do it!  Being able to cater to yourself in some way is necessary for your own well being. 

Sleep Training Your Baby

Sleep training. Anything that involves training involves time, effort, patience, practice, and a lot of love.  You will hear tons of advice on how to get your baby to sleep through the night.  When I was sleep deprived, all the advice was kind of irritating to me because nothing worked!  Here are a few facts and tips that helped me make it through the sleep training phase.

A child isn’t born with the understanding of night and day.  In my opinion, that’s why it is important to start “sleep training” as soon as they're born.  Train them by using bright lights and music during the day, and night lights and quiet time at night. 

Hunger is the biggest culprit.  Their tiny little bodies are growing fast and need a lot of nourishment.  Their stomachs are very small too, so no wonder they need to eat often.  Sometimes I experienced feedings every 2 hours in the beginning. 

Sleep promotes more sleep.  I learned this concept from the many books and online articles that I read.  The more long stretches of sleep they experience, the more their bodies learn how to sleep.  Naps are very important for this part of training.  If they miss a nap, they will not make it up at night.  Lost sleep is lost and never regained.  This is why many moms protect their children’s naps J  Click here to see how many hours per day your child should be sleeping.

As babies get older and pass the newborn stage, it’s important to start a bedtime routine.  Lots of books will suggest the routine begin with bath time.  The most important part is what time.  I learned that 8:00 pm is the magic time, and it has been for our daughter.  She responds well to an 8:00 pm bedtime. 

I will continue to elaborate on sleep training in future posts J

My Journey to Motherhood

My journey to motherhood has not been easy.  The many ups and downs I’ve experienced have brought me to a place of gratitude.  Please let me share with you my journey... 

I was diagnosed with endometriosis in December of 2001.  For 10 years I worried about my fertility and whether or not I could conceive.  To preserve my fertility, I had 3 separate laparoscopies to remove the endometrial growths.  I tried every kind of hormonal therapy including all types of birth control.  I experienced days of abdominal pain which resulted in many missed days of school and work.  Through it all, I was able to conceive in January 2011.

I experienced morning sickness and nighttime sickness during the first 4 months of pregnancy.  The nausea was unbearable to the point that I was unable to continue my employment as a banker.  It was difficult to remain professional with my clients while having episodes in the bathroom.  I had a couple of months of relief until symptoms of gestational diabetes set in.

During my 7^th month of pregnancy I felt something wasn’t right.  My blood sugar levels were very high.  The 3^rd trimester is tiring, but diabetes made me very uncomfortable.  Once I was able to see a endocrinologist, I started to feel much better.

The endocrinologist evaluated my blood sugar levels and gave me insulin.  I was required to check my levels every morning and after each meal.  I also gave myself insulin shots before each meal and before bedtime.  I would use a total of 8 needles per day.  I was also required to see my doctor 3 times per week for stress tests to evaluate my baby’s growth and heart rate. 

Toward the end of my pregnancy, I had to double my insulin dosages to maintain my blood sugar level in a healthy range.  For the health of me and my baby, I was scheduled for an induction before my due date.  I experienced every single induction procedure possible.  After 16 hours of labor, the induction resulted in a cesarean.

After all the worry, tests, shots, needles, and record keeping the diabetes went away within hours of birth.  I was so thankful!  My baby’s blood sugar was also fine.  My doctor informed me that from surgery he could confirm that the endometriosis had vanished during pregnancy!!!!  What an amazing miracle!!  Through it all, I am so grateful for this little girl in my life. :-)

Breastfeeding a distracted baby

Breastfeeding a distracted baby can be difficult.  Especially when they want to squirm around, unlatch, and look at everything else but you.  When babies are newborns it's hard to get them to do anything else but nurse.  When they are older, all they want to do is get down and play.  Here are a few tips that have worked for me.

First, we go into her bedroom, turn off the lights, and turn the fan on.  She sleeps with a fan at night.  It helps reduce any noise coming from the living room especially if her daddy is here. Her daddy is a big distraction because she sees him as a playmate who rough-houses.  It's very sweet, but when it's time to nurse, you need as few distractions as possible.

Second, I sit "indian style" so she's cradled in my lap.  I also sit on the edge of a bed.  If I sit in a rocking chair, she tries to roll over and twist around to an awkward position.  Plus, she'll unlatch and try to get down.

Third, I wear a necklace or earrings that she tries to play with.  You have to be careful though.  My little girl wants to pull the earrings out of my ear!  I won't let that happen, but the earring distracts her so she'll keep nursing instead of turn around.

Insomnia

When will I ever get sleep again?  Even though my baby is sleeping through the night, everything wakes me up!  I never used to be a light sleeper, but after sleep deprivation from a newborn it's difficult to return to a normal sleep schedule.

I have developed the mother's ear and have become a very light sleeper.  Even with the monitor on, I will think I've heard my baby cry when in fact it's just my imagination.  My husband's snoring keeps me awake and it never bothered me before.  I'll even hear thunder and rain outside and it will wake me up.

I've tried taking over-the-counter sleep medication.  The situation never fails.  After I take one, my little one wakes up at 11:00 pm because of teething pain or something else.  Then, I'm sitting in a rocking chair rocking her in my arms while I finally feel sleepy.  Luckily I'm able to get her back to sleep quickly so I can return to bed.  Unfortunately a continuous and undisturbed rest has not taken place.

I know it will work itself out in time.  Developing good sleeping habits is all about routine.  I just have to be patient until my routine settles back in. 

Breastfeeding... is your baby getting enough?

Breastfeeding hasn't always been popular.  Sometimes you will hear critics while you're breastfeeding.  The most common comment is that your baby isn't "getting enough".

When my grandmothers were having babies, doctors were not encouraging them to breastfeed. They were telling them that formula was the best option because it gave specific vitamins and nutrients.  They didn't have the technology to study breast milk like they do today.  They also didn't know that it contains the best nourishment.  Human milk is best for human babies.

Growing up, I heard the phrases: "the baby's not satisfied" or "she didn't produce enough milk".  Even though these situations do happen, it may not be the case for you.  In spite of it all, you'll still hear criticism from some learking individuals out there.  How to feel secure?  Here's how...

Your baby should be wetting around 5-6 diapers per day and having regular dirty diapers.  Some babies will have a dirty diaper with each feeding.  Mine came close, but she didn't have one every time.  Click here to learn more about what is normal for your baby's dirty diapers.

Your doctor will schedule regular check-ups where you can keep track of his or her weight.  As long as the doctor says your baby is progressing in weight, you're fine. 

Another way to tell is that you'll feel the "let down" of your milk and you will hear your baby drinking.  If you still feel insecure about your milk supply, you can always talk with a lactation consultant and schedule a visit.  They can measure the amount of milk during the feeding.  They will weigh the baby before and after each feeding to see how many ounces were received.  It's quite interesting!

Baby's Sleep

I was desperate to get my baby to sleep. She didn't develop a normal nighttime sleep habit until she was 9 1/2 months. I tried it ALL during those months. I researched all the articles online, checked out books in the library, and asked other mothers for advice. Anything to get some sleep.

I read the book Baby Wise while I was pregnant and thought I was an expert on baby's sleep. I was determined that I wasn't going to be sleep deprived for long! I pictured in my mind how my daughter's daily (and nightly) routine would look like. I was wrong!

After she was born, I realized that I needed some help so I read two more books: 12 Hours of Sleep by 12 Weeks Old and Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child. I learned lots of tips and they were all helpful, but what I didn't completely understand was that my baby was an individual and no matter how many books I read, it wasn't going to change her.

First and foremost, your child is unique. They are born with their particular temperament.  I needed to understand that she needed to be sleep trained.  The word is: training.  Anything that involves training involves time, effort, patience, practice, and a lot of love.  I’ll elaborate more on sleep training in future posts J

Unlatching & No Pain

The last thing you want to do is pull your baby off without unlatching properly.  I remember talking to a friend who said that she just pulled her baby off and it hurt really bad.  Yes it would hurt!! Ouch!  I have a tip on how to unlatch without pain.

During my breastfeeding class I was taught to stick my finger in the corner of her mouth to release the suction.  I've also read this in many books and online.  However, I have long nails and it didn't seem that comfortable for me at first.  It's also impossible to constantly wash your hands and keep them clean, especially when you're breastfeeding every 2 hours.  I also thought about how clean (or not so clean) my hands were.

This is what I started to do... I would take my thumb or index finger and touch right above her lip, kind of like in the "mustache" area and lift up her lip.  This sounds funny, but make your baby do the "Elvis lip"  LOL!  This releases the suction without putting your finger in her mouth, and potentially scraping her gums with your nail.  This has worked for me every time!

The Honest Truth: It's not easy

Morning sickness, labor pains, and stretch marks.  I didn’t think much about them until they personally happened to me.  After experiencing 4 months of nausea, gestational diabetes, insulin shots, 16 hours of labor, and a cesarean I’ve pretty much been very honest when someone asks me about motherhood.  I have wondered maybe I shouldn't have been so honest?  Honesty is the best policy J

Sure, it’s easy to look at Facebook pictures of your friends who have become parents and think about how cute their little one is.  Although, they don't post pictures of what’s going on behind the scenes. Here’s a picture of what caring for a newborn looks like…

 

 

Yes, this doesn't look so pretty.  LOL!  It's not easy.  Sleep deprivation can do a number on you.  My baby didn't sleep through the night until she was 9 1/2 months.  We had lots of diaper changes and poo in my hair.  Spit up on my shirt and furniture.  Lots of laundry too.  It's a difficult job, but it's all worth it!

 

After it all, I am so thankful for my health.  The gestational diabetes went away within hours of my delivery.  I also recovered well from surgery.  I had a beautiful image in my mind as to how motherhood would be, and the picture has come true...

 

Cesarean Scar Therapy

I had a cesarean and have wondered many times about the healing process.  I've recently learned that scar tissue can continue to grow for 2 years after surgery.  Wow!  I didn't know that.  I also found an interesting video about scar therapy for a cesarean scar.  This is very interesting!  Take a look:

Weaning & Your Emotions

Breastfeeding creates such a beautiful bond between a mother and baby.  It’s a natural process that provides the best nourishment for a growing child.  Sometimes it’s not always easy and many mothers want to give up.  When weaning starts, and we come to the end, it can sometimes be emotional for us as mothers. 

I am encouraging of my daughter to grow and become independent.  I love watching her through all the stages of crawling, pulling herself up, and soon walking.  I want to guide her through these exciting stages.  It’s interesting and sad to think about ending this special era of breastfeeding.

I’ve recently read this excerpt from the book What to expect: The Toddler Years and I think it’s very helpful regarding weaning and your emotions:

 

If you wait until your son decides he’s ready to graduate to a more grown-up source of liquid nourishment, you may have a very long wait ahead.  Though some babies and toddlers cut back on or discontinue breastfeeding on their own, usually near the end of the first year, others never do.  If you are ready to wean, then you should initiate the weaning process yourself. This is, after all, a two-way partnership and either party can end it at any time.

Watching a child move from one stage of development to another is always a bittersweet experience – filling you at once with pride (how grown up he is!) and with melancholy (he’ll never be a baby again!).  Some rites of passage evoke more mixed feelings than do others.  For many women, weaning their children from the breast is one of those.

Breastfeeding is an undeniably gratifying experience, but breastfeeding indefinitely because you’re not ready to give it up isn’t fair.  If your toddler wants to move on, follow his lead.  Don’t take his rejection of your breast personally.  He isn’t rejecting you, he’s rejecting the babyhood he’s outgrown, and taking another step toward independence.  As unsettling as that may be for you, it’s a step he must take. 

It’s likely that at first you will miss the physical closeness to your toddler that nursing provided.  But if you think about it, there are a host of other activities (hugging, cuddling, playing together, reading together before bed, and so on) that reproduce that closeness.  Enjoy those more frequently instead. 

Because the sadness you’re feeling may be intensified by the haywire hormonal changes that weaning can trigger, you should consider weaning gradually over a period of weeks or even months.  Give both your body and your mind plenty of time to recover and they eventually will.